My immortal
by claudia1
Summary: Dean writes a letter to the only relative that he has who cares enough to listen. Its a shame that chris doesn't know who he is.


Title: My immortal

Author: Claudia1

Rating: pg-13

Pairing: Sam/Dean

Genre: angst

Warnings: swear words, mentions of abuse. Crossover

Archive: Yes, just ask first...

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine

Notes: The song is from an evanescence album called fallen. Good album. My first M7 story. Reading all the good stories out there in this fandom has inspired me.

**"My Immortal"**  
_  
I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears_

Chris

According to a family friend dad has been drinking heavily since he left the marines in the mid-seventies. Dad had a good up bringing my grandparents were the nicest people you could ever hope to meet. I think that his time in the marines affected him badly. It left him depressed and moody. I want to say that is why he began drinking and what drove him to be a raging alcoholic. I just cannot be sure if it is the real reason. I cannot clearly remember the first time I saw dad drunk, but I know he began drinking more after mom died in a fire. I was only four when mom died so dads' drinking was not that much of an issue for me at the time. It was only at the age of five that I noticed his drinking was becoming steadily worse. Due to what we killed mom (the fire was not the primary cause) we never use to stay in one place for to long. I have always been left alone to care for Sammy (my younger brother by four years). There have been times when I would not see dad for weeks at a time.

In the beginning dad was never a loud, brash drunk. He would usually drink a couple of bottle of Jacks and just fell asleep. As the months passed, he became more aggressive, sarcastic and unpredictable in his behavior. Dad would always start drinking as soon as the light of a new day shone though the windows. His drink of choice was always Jack Daniels. He never touched any other type of alcohol. When it came to doing the weekly shopping dad used to buy five bottles of Jacks at the supermarket in one go. Then we would go to another store and he would buy another four bottles of Jacks. This would always continue until we had been to at least four stores and he had twenty bottles of Jacks. Once he got a case of beer and only being five years old at the time, I asked him why he got the brown frothy stuff. He hit me so hard that he broke two of my ribs. Dad was usually drunk by 2pm. He would sit on the motel bed still clutching a bottle of jacks, criticizing me and everything I did. I would feel pity for him and feel guilty for feeling that way. I was willing to go out and get him more alcohol just because he had asked me to do something for him.

I protected Sam from dad. I did not want him to know what dad was like. As dad was always so busy with the hunt or drinking himself, unconscious raising Sam fell to me. I was the one who potty trained Sam, not a pleasant experience. I taught Sam how to ride a bike, how to use a knife and fork, how it was important to be respectful towards adults and have good manners. I taught him that he should never talk to strangers. I even taught him how to hide from dad when he began shouting or using any rude words. I made sure Sam had an education. I fought long and hard to make sure Sam had that education. I put up with all of dads snide, hurtful remarks and punishments to ensure Sam had an education. As for my education dad pulled me out of high school when I was14 and I never went back. It is somewhat embarrassing not to have a proper education. Sammy going to college was one the better moments of my life.

The first time dad hit me it was a shock, but it wasn't unexpected. Besides, you already know about that time. The beatings became a regular part of life. I have been burnt with cigarettes, thrown out of a speeding car more than once and had my head slammed up against all kind of things. I have visited the hospital more than is normal. Dad was a clever bastard he would never take me to the same hospital more than once in the same year. When we went to the hospital, he would never use our real names. The hardest part was going to school and hiding my injuries from other people. The schools I went to were always casual with the rules, but they still realized something was wrong. There are only so many times you can use concealor without it becoming to obvious. Staff at the school began to question me about my home life, but I refused to admit anything was wrong. The school counselor could not understand why I refused to tell him the truth. Why did I refuse all offers of help? It would have been an act of betrayal on my part. Dad may have been and abusive bastard, but he was still my dad. I had no one I could really turn to for help, Sammy, was always protected from dad. He does not know what dad to me and he never will. The strange thing is everyone regards my dad as a good person. He helps so many people and they all see him as a hero. Sam worships the ground dad walks on.

It took me 27 years endless hospital visits, countless battles with the supernatural creatures and surviving deaths twice before I found the courage to stand up for myself. I threw all of his bottles into a bin, slashed the wheels of his truck and handcuffed him to abed. Then I told him what I thought of him. His only reaction was to laugh at me and promise me a painful death. Therefore, I left him handcuffed to the bed and cut him out of my life. Dad is never going to change not when he refuses to admit he has a problem, To this day, even though I drink a couple of beers I have never really got drunk I'm too sacred I'll end up like him and I don't want that. Now I am free of him. I am coming to see you. The way I figure it, at least one family member has to like me.

Dean

The rest of evanescence my immortal lyrics are:

**"My Immortal"**

I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

_Chorus:_  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me

You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

_Chorus_

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along


End file.
